Hi All,
The below post is related to a awareness program conducted by NIPEMD on “Understanding your child”
Date – 19-July-2023 11:00 am
Topic – Understanding your child
Mode of Presentation – Online and in Tamil
Speaker – C.K.Dhanapandian – Assistant Professor, Department of Psychology, NISH
Below are the points shared in the session:
The session started with the speaker asking questions from parents as to what are the issues they are facing from the child, all parents contributed their issues.
Schema
The common factor in Cognitive, Emotional and Social Development of the child is Schema. Schema could be referred to as an understanding / perception of the child on what is happening around him/her. Proper Schema formation is important for a child to develop proper understanding skills i.e. the information which we are sending to the child and how the child is processing the same. Based on the childs ability to process, we should be able to increase/decrease the information that is provided to the child.
Process of Schema formation consists of three components:
Assimilation
In this, a child is exposed to all environments and experiences without any filter. Places with higher noise , places that are visually pleasing or attractive, foods that are different in taste etc. in short a multi sensory stimulation.
Accomodation
The brain does a process by itself called categorization. The information that is repeated over a period of time to the child, is stored in the brain under a category for the child to easily identify.
Adaptation
It is the ability of the child to act accordingly to the situation / scenario / environment. For a child who has limited exposure or a child who got enough exposure but did not categorize that in proper manner, will not be having the adaptation skills.
In most scenarios, the child is born healthy but during the development process the stimulation which the child is supposed to receive from the environment is either not provided or provided in a very limited manner. For kids who are born in a different country (different from where the parents are born and brought up) do not get the stimulation from the new environment, food, people. Even if tried, the stimulation they receive is not enough. As the stimulation they receive from the environment is extremely limited, they cannot categorize the information for understanding, as a result they do not have the adaptation capabilities.
Kids with higher screen time exposure often tend to speak in the voice of a particular cartoon character. These kids will not respond to any human voices, they will only get attracted by the advertisement sounds. Our brain has different parts in it, each part has a specific function assigned to it. Each part of the brain has the ability to work with other parts in a coordinated manner, for its optimal functioning. The issue with our children’s brain is at the function level and NOT at the structure level i.e. if you take a scan/eeg etc, all results will state that the brain looks normal.
When the child gets exposed to a particular/limited form of stimulation consistently, then they would only be responding to that stimulation alone and not others. Child running towards TV for a cocomelon rhymes or advertisement jingles and not looking at the mom when she cries is an ideal example.Children with limited stimulation or overstimulation of same exposure are more prone to have issues in schema formation.
It is extremely important for the parent to be aware of how the Schema formation happens. You can only avail therapy for 40 minutes a day, beyond that it is the parent who needs to provide the required stimulation for the child. Early stimulation is extremely important for the child, the more you provide to them in a procedural manner, the more cognitive improvement and development can be seen from the child.
Parents should avoid feeling the guilt, as they have caused this condition to their child due to over exposure to Gadgets. All parents want to give the best to their child, the intention of the parent was always for the childs betterment. At times, it can have negative consequences as well.
We need to look at the reasons behind why children are easily attracted to gadgets over other things. The visuals are so clear, the colors are extremely bright and pleasing for the eyes, the audio or music is crystal clear, the movements of characters or screens are extremely rapid, etc … When the child is overstimulated on these things which are not present in the natural environment, you see these children dull and non responsive when they are not looking at the screens. When you stop the Gadgets time completely, the child gets irritated and aggressive,which can also give rise to behavior issues like adamency. All this would happen for 2-3 weeks for the child to normalize. When you decide to stop the Gadgets time in total, you have to replace that stimulation with other activities to compensate, so that the child is not deprived of the stimulation. After which we could see a change in the cognitive development of the child.
Emotional Development
Kids who play with their parents and who interact with their parents a lot will have the best Emotional Development. In most households, children only experience two emotions from their parents i.e. either extreme happiness or extreme anger/shouting/scolding etc..If the child is constantly being exposed to only these two emotions then it will seriously impact the emotional development of the child. Children will also be in these two extremes.
The child should be exposed to other emotions through activities, role play, drama, playing with other kids, etc. When the child has a better emotional development, they will have a better self awareness.
Ensure certain principles are followed :
a) Skill based training – If you are expecting your child to do well in academics, and want him to write well. Then you should avoid correcting mistakes of the child. Children writing on a notebook is not just looked at as writing, it has to be looked at as an expressive emotion. If the environment is nurturing, the child will express their skills without hesitation. Children do not express well, when the environment is constantly criticizing or correcting them. A child who is not corrected by parents, learns better.
For example, assume your child is about to wear the slippers. Most parents would say this:
a) Check whether it is your slipper or not
b) Wear the left slipper on the left foot and right slipper on the right foot.
c) Balance properly when wearing slippers etc…
Similarly when the child is writing/coloring, we say
a) write between these two lines
b) Do not cross the lines
c) Coloring within the lines
Even though all these are valid instructions from parent perspective, when you look at it from childs perspective you see that child lose interest due to the restrictions, will never learn by himself. Child will exclude himself from such activities and get frustrated. We should first make the child respond without any restrictions, nurture interest , encourage them, provide opportunities to the child for correcting themselves instead of you correcting them. Children will learn and minimize their mistakes by themselves. Children have never changed, it is the adults and their expectations from their child that have changed., due to which they are avoiding the parents. No child wants to listen to multiple instructions and constant corrections at every step, as a result they tend to boycott an entire activity to avoid experiencing it.
For Hyperactive Kids, Check for biological issues, sensory issues, etc.
For kids with skill deficit scenarios, you have to be friendly and patient with the child 100%.
Escapism – The most common incidence is where the child knows everything but does not do it, in this case parents plead in front of the child to perform it, but the child is not doing it as he wanted to escape from that task.
Behavioural issues
99.9 % of the parents never say NO to the child, which is causing so many behavior issues to the child. A Child who has not experienced NO will have many issues when growing up:
They will develop the Manipulative Skills i.e. Whom to exploit to get their needs met. (When Mom says NO, child goes to Dad or vice versa)
Assume that you have modified the environment accordingly, created awareness among the family members on how to handle the behaviour issues etc.. but the reality is you will not see immediate results. Any parent who has begun their behaviour management with the child, will see more issues than what was there before, which is a good indication that you are travelling in the right direction. It is because as a parent or family, you are no longer going to respond to the learnt behavior of the child like adamency or crying to achieve a desired object or goal. So now the child gets confused, whatever worked so far with the family members is not working , hence now they would try new stuff to see if that gets any attention or not. This is what gives rise to new behavior issues. As a parent if you are in control during this phase, the child will realize his failure on all these attempts, adapt to the presented options which are acceptable.
Any form of punishment to the child will not give you any permanent results, if you think hitting a child is going to stop the child from doing something, then you have a poor/wrong understanding of your child.
No one can be a better therapist than a parent, all rehab professionals are just supporters in your journey. Hence you should have a better opinion about yourself. Spend quality time with your child, do not sit in front of TV or have a mobile on your hand, Switch off all devices when spending time with your child. It is not easy to follow, but if followed within a period of 3 to 6 months, you can see an improvement in your child .
Q & A Session
Q – When will my child (4.5 yrs) speak? His hearing is good, we have taken the BERA (brainstem evoked response audiometry) test two times. Since he does not speak, we cannot understand his issues. He is also being ignored and isolated by other family members due to this. Will he ever talk or not ?
A – The question is extremely easy to ask. Each child on the spectrum is different, they respond to therapies at different time intervals which is the challenge. Speak with your speech therapist, find activities that can be done at home for better improvement. Tell more stories to the child, whether the child understands or not. You can sing and teach as well. The methodologies differ from child to child. We need to find the right one.
Q – Child with 4.5 years, who is fine with the noises at home, but outdoors he will close his ears to the noises. He closes his ears when any song is played in school, for the screeching noise of the door , Ambulance sounds, etc…
A – This seems to be a sensory (auditory) issue and also an understanding issue. Kindly consult a occupational therapist
Q – My kid is verbal and going to an inclusive school. He recently started closing his ears with hands, by looking at another child in the classroom. Is this to be considered as an Imitation or will it cause any issues in future. This is new behavior that is displayed only after going to school. He did not perform this during vacation, only after going to school it started
A – This seems to be a behavior issue.
Q – How to make the child speak with strangers or neighbors
A – Even as an adult, I do not like to speak with people who are less familiar to me. Now if the stranger is not a family member, who may be convenient to interact with you but the child is not convenient to interact with that stranger. Assume you are a fan of thriller movies and you do not like comedy movies. I force you to watch a comedy movie and expect you to smile, it will only make you annoyed. If you create the situations very friendly and accommodative to the child, the child will move freely with others, it need not be forced. The strangers have to behave friendly to the child.
Q – When will the sensory seeking habits of the child be reduced ? We are giving him enough tactile inputs like sand playing, etc.. but still he is crunching papers, tear papers etc..
A – You have to seek professional opinion from an occupational therapist on this. Also when providing sensory input activities at home, instead of designing an activity specifically for the sensory need, try giving it as a task/work. Instead of giving an activity merely therapeutic, try to look at opportunities where his present need can be converted into a life skill.
Q – My child speaks about stuff that happened many months ago and is totally not relevant to the current environment. Also he asks the same questions every day when visiting the same places.
A – Many children in the Autism spectrum have echolalia. There are two kinds one is Delayed Echolalia and Immediate Echolalia. This could be one of the reasons. You should consult a speech therapist for this.
Q – My child does not like when i talk with others or laugh with others, she throws attention seeking behaviours
A – As you mentioned you it is due to attention. You should ask permission from your child before talking with others, this way the child gets the attention through permission. Also kindly do not talk with others for a longer time, every 5-10 minutes come back to your child asking for permission to speak another 10 minutes with another person. This way you give a constant check with the child so they are not deprived of attention. They will not feel ignored if you constantly come back and ask permission frequently till you complete your conversation
Q – Age 10 yrs boy, going to govt school doing 3rd standard, we have another child (his brother) who is younger than him, we have recently put him in a matriculation school. Ever since that, our elder son has started complaining by comparing him with his younger brother, that his brother is going to matriculation school but he is going to government school.He is demanding that he also wants to Put ID card, put school shoes etc… We tried explaining the situation, but as days progressed he started hating his brother as he gets to go to a better school than him, started beating his brother, locking him inside a room etc..He does not do these to any other kid, he does it only to his brother. Also says we can give our brother to grandma or some other family, we don’t need him.
We are focussing entirely on him , we have changed 4 schools before putting him in the Government school, we have totally neglected the younger brother due to him, we have done what we can.
A – This is not entirely an issue with the child, it is more to do with the parenting approach towards the child. Divide the time spent by you with both your children equally, so no one feels neglected. And engage both the children together in activities like games, sports, sharing food etc.. One child should not look at another child as a competitor, we should break that pattern of thinking first. Ask your younger child to give things to the elder child which the elder son likes, so that the elder son will slowly stop hating his brother. Always ensure all good news or experiences to the elder son is shared through the younger son, so bonding is established.
Q – Child is currently availing therapy from NIPEMD, when he was very young we sang many songs to him to make him sleep. But now when he listens to the same songs, he cries . Especially he cries for melody songs, but not for Kuthu or rhymes. Anything that is relaxing, calming, makes him sleepy, he cries as if someone has hit him ….
A – Avoid those songs first. In the case of melody songs, change the tune, tempo of the song to see the difference …. If he is getting triggered for the music or the words , we can figure it out.
Q – Child aged 4, once he comes out of the classroom, he does not want to go in again .. earlier he used to cry, now he shouts a lot. School does not understand it, because every time he shouts, the class room is distracted, so they pull him outside the classroom. He learnt that, when he shouts he can avoid the classroom, so he does it purposefully. He keeps quiet once he comes outside the classroom
A – You cannot resolve this by focusing on the child alone. This has to be done as a team. Teacher should understand that he is doing it purposefully and handle it accordingly. It is equally important that we should harm the other children in the classroom as well.
Q – Boy 6 years old, is very possessive. Even when mom and dad sit together, he comes in between and says daddy is only for me, not for others and pushes his mother away. When the dad is speaking on the phone to others, and it crosses a few minutes he comes and beats the dad or tries to injures himself and cry
A – It looks like Attention seeking but it is not, it is tangible. We are giving in to all his demands.We should first realize that the child is not doing it out of innocence, he is doing it on purpose. You should ignore it when the child does it next time. Ensure that no harmful objects are kept closer to him, when you practice it. Our parenting practices need to be changed, it is called behavior construction. He is building behaviours that he can use to get what he wants.
Q – Child with mild asd, he is getting re-assessment in Aug, what is expected to happen after re-assessment, should we stop therapy or continue further or what to expect. Can he be 100% cured ?
A – There is nothing like a borderline. It can be mild, moderate, severe only, a child may have signs and symptoms of asd, but not all the features are clearly exhibited. There is no 100% cure as such, but we use a term called remission i.e. the conditions which the child had during the initial diagnosis may no longer be presented with the child.
Regards,
Saranya and Karthikeyan
Autism Spectrum Disorder - Personal Experiences (Chennai Family) 